Marry Well

(In progress)
(1/24/06 boy - these thoughts were SURE flowing a lot easier at 3:00 this morning...)

I've had a couple times in teaching Elder's Quorum that I strongly (STRONGLY, STRONGLY) wanted to impress on any single elders in the quorum the importance of "marrying well".  Here's a little about what that means to me.

"Marry Well" doesn't mean marrying for money.  And it doesn't mean to marry for looks - although that is a nice bonus.  It is more about marrying a person who you are well matched to, who has the qualities and characteristics that are so important to have - day in and day out.

Start with a Princess

It has been said that a man's home is his castle, and his wife is his Queen.  Well, I guess if you're looking for a queen, you should start with a princess.  What are the qualities should you look for in your princess?

Grace

Marry a person who can be the queen of a kingdom with you.  A person with poise and class.  Someone who carries herself well, and honors the dignity of herself and others.

Intelligence

Someone you can talk with about important things.  Someone you can learn things from, and learn things with.  Someone who can shed insights that change your perspective.
(and sometimes men need to be smart enough to allow the change in perspective)

Beauty

The kind of beauty that doesn't need makeup.  The kind of beauty that is always there - just in their essence and being.  The kind that looks good by a mountain lake, or at a fancy restaurant, or while playing games on family game night, on the couch next to you watching a video, or while going through the hardest parts of labor, or when entertaining guests, when comforting a sick child, or during a tickle fight, or while holding your baby (especially while holding your baby), or when they're asleep - nestled up to you while you have your arm around them.  A person who has a beauty about her when they just don't feel that beautiful.

Kindness

Someone who, by nature - thinks the best of people.  Someone who hates to argue.  Someone who doesn't take the cheap shot during an arguement. (Which means also that YOU don't do that either).

Worker

Building a kingdom, a home, a family, a marriage, a life - is hard work.  It doesn't just come easily.  You need to be able to work together as a team to accomplish great things.  There can be many stages in a marriage where roles are required to change, or where primary responsibility for certain tasks switches back and forth.  This requires flexibility, and the ability to work well as a team, with focus on each other's needs instead of on your own.

Optimist

We have enough pessimists in the world!  And life will give you plenty of things to be negative about.  But an optimist is able to SEE all the good things that go on around, and doesn't see things as darkly, even when they are pretty dark.

An optimist is a sole source of sunshine that is good to be around.  The make everyone feel better about themselves, and better about life in general.

You will see what you are looking for.  If you are always looking for the worst - you'll find it.  If you look for the best in people and in events - you'll find it.

Loves to Laugh

Able to see humor in almost everything.  A person who has a glad heart by nature.  A person who will laugh at your dumb jokes, and even make a few of her own. Someone with whom you can build a lifetime of "inside jokes". Someone who is able to laugh at her self.  Someone comfortable enough with you to know she can laugh at your dumb mistakes, and know that you'll laugh with her.

Flexible / Adaptable

Plan your work and work your plan!  BUT - be able to adapt and change that plan when the plan is no longer working for you.  The only constant in life is change - and so being able to adapt to a new situation on-the-fly makes everything go smoother and easier.  What a wonderful blessing is someone who can take change in stride, moving forward to see what the new experiences will bring, instead of dwelling on what went wrong and what should have been.  Many times, my experience has been that the new "plan" turned out better than the old plan ever would have.

Problem Solver

Going hand-in-hand with being an optimist and flexible is being a problem solver.  There are plenty of people standing on the sidelines OBSERVING, who are willing to tell you what you did wrong, but how great is the person who can think on their feet, give options and solutions, and get in there and work with you to put a new solution into action.

Lover

A lover of life, of being together, of family and friends, of things that are imporant to her, and things that are important to you. Passionate about things that are important to her.  Someone who loves with their whole heart and soul.

A Cheerleader

The world is going to kick you in the teeth sometimes.  At those times you need someone who helps to buoy you up, get you rested, and get you ready to get out there and fight - not someone who sees their chance to get in a few licks of their own.

Testimony

The prayer of the righteous availeth much.  And the prayer of a righteous woman.....  I believe that a righteous woman has God's ear.  I have directly seen the blessings to myself and my family from the prayers of a righteous woman. 

Of course, your testimony is vitally important too.  It is not good to be unequally yolked.  And the power that comes from a strong testimony is more than doubled when you both nurture your testimonies together.

Coming from an LDS perspective - this is VITALLY IMPORTANT.  It is not good to be unequally yolked.  To bring the spirit into your lives, your home, and your children - a testimony is vitally important. (this of course implies that you need the testimony of your own too)

Understanding

Someone who understands your quirks (and loves your for them, and in spite of them).

In order to FIND the right person, you need to BE THE RIGHT PERSON

I've listed out many of my thoughts of what to look for in marrying well.  If the person you are seeking HAS many of these qualities - she will probably be LOOKING FOR THESE QUALITIES.  If she IS intelligent, and you don't have enough of the right qualities, she'll be smart to continue looking elsewhere.

Well - those are my thoughts on Marrying Well.  Good luck on your pursuits for happiness, and don't be discouraged.  Even though the very best woman in the world is already taken by me, there are still some great women out there.

Choose Wisely!